Say that again Sam..

Discussion in 'Humor & Games' started by clawmute, Jul 15, 2017.

  1. clawmute

    clawmute Well-Known Member

    Have you noticed that all the pro abortion people have already been born?

    I made a huge To Do list today. I just can't figure out who is going to do it.

    Depresso: The feeling you get when you run out of coffee.

    I grew a beard thinking it would say "Distinguished Gentleman." Instead, turns out it says, "Senior Discount, Please!" and "here let me help you"!

    There are 3 stages of life: youth, maturity, and "my but you're looking good."

    When my wife found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.

    I'm not saying your perfume is too strong. I'm just saying the canary was alive before you walked in.

    Bumper Sticker- Ask me about my vow of silence.

    If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.

    People ask me how I made it out of the 50's and 60's and why I don't have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?

    Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

    I tried being normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.

    Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you... But,smoking bacon will cure it.

    The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened.

    I ask the believers in the big bang theory "well, OK then. But WHO lit the fuse"!?!

    I was going to join the debate team. But somebody talked me out of it.

    My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.
     
  2. HEVI D

    HEVI D Well-Known Member

    Lol! Good stuff! Glad to see you back on here and in good spirits Claw!
     
    N8HARNER likes this.

  3. clawmute

    clawmute Well-Known Member

    I have a bunch of items for sale on line. I have several electric erasers from my office we used to use when we drew by hand. One fellow asked "what do you use these for"?

    Being of a droll nature I replied to him;

    "for erasing mistakes - and I've made plenty"! Hope he enjoyed my laugh.

    Only Jesus however could erase all of those.
     
  4. Tal_H._Branco

    Tal_H._Branco Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the "one-liners" Claw. Good'uns!