Political Memes

Discussion in 'News and Politics' started by Mr. Chitlin, Aug 8, 2019.

  1. Mr. Chitlin

    Mr. Chitlin Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

    NE Ark
  2. jackie53

    jackie53 Well-Known Member

    A plane has five passengers on board: Donald Trump, the Pope, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Nancy Pelosi, and a ten year old school girl. The plane is about to crash and there is only four parachutes. Dr Fauci, said “I need one, I have to help develop a cure for the global health crisis that is COVID19!” He straps on a parachute and jumps. The pope said “I need one, I have to help spiritually guide people through the global health crisis that is COVID19!” He takes one and jumps. Pelosi said ‘‘I need one, I’m the smartest woman in the United States.” she takes one and jumps. President Trump pauses for a moment and then turns to the 10-year-old. After a deep sigh, he says tenderly, "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only starting". The child replies, "Don’t worry, there are two parachutes left. The smartest woman in the United States took my school backpack.
    sparkie, N8HARNER, ArkGirl and 4 others like this.

  3. jackie53

    jackie53 Well-Known Member

    Jump!! FB_IMG_1597094288907.jpeg
    sparkie likes this.
  4. Vern Humphrey

    Vern Humphrey Well-Known Member

    You know, I've often wondered why airliners don't carry parachutes. Thirty or so years ago, there was a Delta plane that lost hydraulics and the crew was attempting to fly it on the engines. They circled for hours, burning off fuel. Finally they attempted landing -- and a lot of people were killed. They had plenty of time to get everyone out safely.
    sparkie and jackie53 like this.
  5. sricen

    sricen Super Member<br>2014-15 Bow Hunting Contest Winner

    I believe they did an episode on that one in the seconds before disaster or one of the shows similar to it.
    sparkie likes this.
  6. jackie53

    jackie53 Well-Known Member

  7. Vern Humphrey

    Vern Humphrey Well-Known Member

    I told myself I wasn't going to tell this story, but you tempted me.


    The phone always rings when you're in the bathtub. But to understand the frustration that causes, you have to have studied at the Army Language School. They have the most sophisticated education system known to man -- they pile on more work than any student can possibly handle and court-martial those who fail.

    That's why I was in the tub, submerged up to my nose in hot water, with my text book clamped to a chair, trying to absorb Viet Namese through my pores. Usually, I can ignore the phone. But when you're tone deaf and trying to learn a tonal language, you need all the concentration you can muster.

    I climbed out of the tub and slopped wet footprints through the hall. "Hello?"

    "Thet you? Th' 'Sociation's sendin' two folks t' th' Phoenix pair-shoot meet Saddidy. You wanna go?"

    I didn't have to ask who it was. It could only be Norm Heaton. Although he had worked in California as Executive Director of the U.S. Parachute Association for several years, he never lost his red-dirt Oklahoma accident. Many people who first meet him are under the impression that he is one of the funniest people alive. It is only with long association that you come to realize that it's not an act. He really does talk and think that way.

    Just as I didn't have to ask who it was, I didn't have spend too much time thinking over his offer. At that point, any break in the monotonous daily routine of memorizing and reciting hundreds of lines of Viet Namese dialog was welcome.

    I got to the Monterey airport early Saturday morning. I had just finished confirming my seat, when I heard a shout behind me. It was Norm, lugging an enormous kitbag.

    "You all ready? Hot damn, we'll have a good time -- all the free jumps we want ..." He stopped dead. "Where's yore pair-shoots?"

    "I already checked them through."

    He gave me a look of horror, as if I had confessed to cannibalism or barratry at sea. "Ah'm not checkin' mah pair-shoots!"

    These were the days before metal detectors and X-ray machines, but there were some limits on the things you could take on an airplane. I tried to reason with him.

    "Norm, you've got at least a hundred pounds of gear there. It'll never fit under your seat."

    He gave me a black look, but I could see that the logic was apparent. I continued, "They'll take good care of your parachutes, Norm. There's nothing at all to worry about."

    He thought a moment. "Waal," he said grudgingly, "Okay. But Ah ain't checkin' mah insterments!"

    He unzipped his kitbag and pulled out his reserve parachute. Strapped to the top flap was his pride and joy, a curved aluminum instrument panel containing a Snyder altimeter and a stopwatch. He put the reserve safely on the floor, then heaved the rest of his gear onto the counter and let the check-in clerk take charge of it.

    The plane was full, so we couldn't sit together. I was across the aisle from Norm, and the seat beside him was occupied by a wuffo (as in "Hey, man! Wuffo you jump out of a perfectly good airplane?")

    At first, the wuffo didn't pay much attention to Norm, but the reserve parachute (which Norm had in his lap -- it wouldn't fit under the seat) attracted his attention. I think really it was the instruments that fascinated him, the shiny panel with the stopwatch and altimeter. He kept looking at it as we taxied out, and by the time we were airborne, he couldn't restrain his curiosity any longer.

    "What is that thing?"

    Norm turned and gave him a beatific smile. "Why, thet's a pair-shoot."

    There was a long, pregnant pause while the wuffo digested this information. Then Norm leaned toward him and asked solicitously, "Din't they give yew one?"

    The wuffo tried to leap out of his seat, but failed -- his seatbelt was still fastened. He clawed at it, managed to get it free, and fell into the aisle. I started to help him up, but he was already rocketing down the aisle on hands and knees. He was making a strange noise -- "Gakkk ... gakkk", and even before he reached the stewardess, she realized that something was seriously wrong. After sitting him down, loosening his tie, and giving him a drink of water, she managed to get some sort of a coherent story out of him.

    She came striding down the aisle with fire in her eyes, reached over the back of Norm's seat, and grabbed his parachute. "We'll have to take this, Sir. The pilot will give it back to you when we land."

    Norm ain't afraid of much, but he was afraid of her. He let her take his precious parachute and instrument panel, and didn't say a word.

    As we got off the plane at Phoenix, the stewardess was standing at the door, her professional smile in place. "Have a good day, Sir." She said to me. "And next time you think of flying, think of United."

    As I went through the door, I heard her say to someone behind me, "Have a good day, Sir. And next time you come to Phoenix, take the train!"
    sparkie, ray porter, mhankins and 4 others like this.
  8. jackie53

    jackie53 Well-Known Member

    Really? Would ya? FB_IMG_1597101193525.jpeg
    sparkie, Mountain Oyster and mhankins like this.
  9. 4hunting

    4hunting Well-Known Member

    Saw this posted on Facebook. Wonder just how many would make this even trade for what they claim they so much desire and say they want?

  10. Saltydog

    Saltydog Well-Known Member

    Ash Flat
    N8HARNER and Juice like this.
  11. Mr. Chitlin

    Mr. Chitlin Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

    NE Ark
  12. R6mm

    R6mm Well-Known Member

    N. Texas
    sparkie likes this.
  13. R6mm

    R6mm Well-Known Member

    N. Texas
    Yeah. Amazing how all these kids start testing positive right before school starts....o_O
    sparkie, rmcmurry and reflex1 like this.
  14. SwampCat

    SwampCat Well-Known Member Lifetime Supporter

    Actually, about 380,000 kids have tested positive altogether - there is just emphasis now on kids since they are talking about them going back to school - about 9 % of all infections are kids.
    sparkie and N8HARNER like this.
  15. reflex1

    reflex1 Well-Known Member Supporting Member