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Education 101


A professor of palentology toured the nation's universities giving lectures on the subject of dinosaurs and their existence. As he rode to his next engagement his driver said "Professor you know, I've heard your talks so many times I think I could give one as well as you." The professor, highly annoyed at the nerve of this ignorant upstart replied, " well all right then. No one knows my face at this at his school and we will just change places temporarily. It will teach you a lesson in humility that you need to learn.

Arriving at the college just before the time of the lecture, the meeting hall was nearly filled with those interested in natural history. The driver, a little nervous, took his place on the stage and greeted the sponsors and dignitaries.

The professor, hoping for a good comeuppance for his arrogant companion, stood against the rear wall of the large room with his hands folded. The would be professor made the speech he had heard the good doctor make so many times, and added bits and pieces he recalled.

He got a good round of applause when he finished and his sponsor came forward and said to the audience "we have a little extra time so we are going to open this up to a few questions from the students."

Horrified, the counterfeit palentologist managed to answer the first few simple questions. Then a bright looking senior student stood up and said "Professor I have one question to ask you. Assuming a T-Rex lived 50 million years ago in the flood plain of an ancient river. He died there due to some cause and gradually the river buried him in alluvial silt.

In todays time a wild cat oil driller sat his rig up right over where the dinosaur's remains rested. After drilling fifty feet the bit drilled through the dinosaur carcass. The drilled core was sent to a lab for analysis.

"What is the PH of the soil at the level of dead dinosaur's bones?"

Silence filled the hall while the uppity driver stood first on one foot and then on the other. Finally he replied.

"Son, the answer to that question is so simple and so elementary I hesitate to even give an answer. As a matter of fact it is so simple that my driver standing in the rear of this hall could answer it. So if you all will look back there he will be happy to reply to your elementary question"


Education 102

The college student was looking for one more easy course to fill out his hours. A buddy suggested the beginning Ornithology class. All you had to do was read about birds, go on field trips and look at birds with binoculars and maybe try to record some of their calls and songs. Great he thought, this sounds like a snap!

He attended a few classes and they were simple and boring to him. He came to class one day after missing a few sessions. "Test today" the professor announced. He handed out copies of the examination that were passed around. "This will be easy" the young Einstein thought to himself. He opend his test and saw that it was made up of several pages of nothing but pictures of bird's legs and their feet. No bird pictures at all, only their undercarriage.

Every picture had to have the name of it's feathered owner filled in. He felt the red in his neck rising because he couldn't tell one from another. Patience gone and irk rising, he jumped from his seat, grabbed his books and stormed for the door. The Ornithologist instructor stood up and said "young man what is the meaning of this disturbance?" Grabbing his class roll book he said "And what is your name?!"

The hacked off student reached down, pulled up his pants leg exposing a hairy leg, knobby knee and with anger replied "you tell me, as he stomped out the door!"
 
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